remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
