Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
