Your face is a jimmy john
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
