There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
my god I love twenty year old dicks
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