can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
