He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
