R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
another moral hangover. fuck.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
