im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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