can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
