and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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