Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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