I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
