Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
