This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
