So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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