Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
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Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
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When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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