I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
