Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
