I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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