considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
