Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
