is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
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