All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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