like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
