There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
