Joe is yelling at the trees again.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
