I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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