News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
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