there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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