between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I just had sex on a roof
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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