Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
