put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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