im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
