So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
