they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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