you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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