I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
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I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
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I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
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