oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
