All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
