They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
