At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
