google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
