the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
