Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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