i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
