Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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