honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
