im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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