I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
