All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
