sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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