Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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