Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
