if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
