weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
