Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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