I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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