too bad you live with your parents still
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
