Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I am midnight drunk by noon
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
