Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Randomize
