I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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