I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
