i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
