I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
