Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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