do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
