I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
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