I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
