im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize