you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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