One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
