i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
