can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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