Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
