I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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