please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
