It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I got inside last night via doggy door
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