If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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