I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
