I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
