My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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